Basics first for a better urban life in London

By Tyler Brûlé

Published: October 20 2006 17:26 | Last updated: October 20 2006 17:26

I know this is going to come as a shock but I love a microphone. It doesn’t matter what it looks like or who makes it (though I do have a liking for Sennheisers), so long as the sound quality is crystal and the reach is both wide and deep. Clip on a TV mic and I can play interviewer or interviewee, load me up with shochu and me and my karaoke mate Rob will belt out “From Russia With Love” – or leave me unsupervised near the door of an aircraft and I’ll happily rattle off my own in-flight rules, which I’ve been rehearsing for years. “For those passengers who are hygienically challenged, please refrain from using the washrooms altogether as you’re likely to pee all over the floor, not wipe down the basin, splatter toothpaste over the mirror and render all four lavatories on this aircraft environmental hazards. For those gentlemen tempted to don a sleeper suit – don’t! You can take one and give it to your wife or girlfriend to prove you flew first class but under no circumstance are you allowed to put it on, as you have 95 per cent chance of looking like a 120 kilo four year old.”

Last week was a busy one for microphones. Personal assistant Gaby, who’s been with me for just over nine years now, is in charge of brokering all public speaking engagements. No-fee American magazine conference in Arizona that can only afford economy class – no. Handsome fee for a conference on media and design in Sweden – yes. Any engagement that involves a head of state or CEO sending a plane – yes. No-fee conference on retail in London but Mr Brûlé can say whatever he wants about the state of the West End and he’ll speak before Mayor Ken Livingstone – what time do you want him there?

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